Loves Times Three – A Review

                I wasn’t going to read Loves Times Three because I was pretty well saturated with Mormon polygamy after 17 years of a steady diet of muckraking and iconoclasting.  I wanted to move on to something else like the impact of Islam on the American way of life.   But I am glad I read Love Times Three, thanks to Doris Hanson.  Doris had asked me to appear on her television program, What Love Is This, and review the Darger book.

                I started out by only reading the first sentence of each paragraph to see if it hooked me, highlighting those statements that I questioned.  But when I came to Valerie’s autobiography and the problems she had with her first polygamous marriage, I became a little more circumspect.  But before commenting on what it was that caught my attention I would like to make the follow contentions that may surprise you.

                I think that Joe Darger and his wives are pretty decent people.  I think they are living Mormon polygamy as best they can.  And I hope they are as happy and compatible as they would have us believe.  All four of them have been raised to believe plural marriage is a pure and correct lifestyle and that when things go wrong like with Warren Jeffs it is not the “principle” that is at fault but the people. 

                That is the position Mormon fundamentalist apologists take, it’s not the doctrine but the people, and it is the same position Islamic apologists take.  And of course, I emphatically disagree.  D & C, Section 132, Joseph Smith’s plural marriage revelation, is the driving force behind Mormon Fundamentalism just as the Koran is the driving force behind Islamic fundamentalism – and both doctrines incite both good and bad behavior.  And just as Judge Robert Bauman ruled in the Canadian polygamy debate, bad behavior far outweighs good behavior.

                I don’t think the Darger family volunteered to write their book or to portray themselves as the quintessential Mormon polygamy, media poster family.  I think they were recruited by Principle Voices and Brooke Adams and are being used as stooges to further the decriminalization movement spearheaded by Principle Voices.  And I’ll bet it irked Brooke to have to take a backseat in the authorship of the book. 

                In case you are not aware of my background I was once associated with AUB and had three wives.  My family was very much like the Darger family – we blended in with mainstream society and had many non polygamist and non Mormon friends.   What I did was wrong.  I allowed my emotions to do my thinking rather than my brain.  But I cannot disavow the wonderful children that resulted.  Nevertheless, I was living a myth and so is the Darger family, which is why I have compassion for them, especially the lovely women who are Joe’s plural wives – particularly Valerie.  Valarie’s former AUB husband is one of the most despicable men I have ever met.  Despicable is the best word I can use to describe this man without using profanity.

                She shared in her autobiography what it was like to be married to Donald, a pseudonym.  She did not want to use his birth name for obvious reasons, he is a ruthless coward but because she is the mother of some of his children, he is in a position to make trouble for her, just as he has done to his other estranged plural wives.   So I will briefly alert you to what a loathsome piece of work he is for her.

                When you go public with your lifestyle, especially if it’s controversial, you open yourself up to scrutiny.  Each member of the Darger family had to know that.  So what I’m about to say about Valarie’s AUB husband is not a reflection upon her – but corroboration of what she and her sister wives had to endure.  And I’m sorry Valarie, but Dennis Matthews reflects more of what Mormon Polygamy is really like than Joe.  Warren Jeffs is not the anomaly, you guys are.

                When Valarie said she married a man in AUB with five wives who had a big house in Mapleton, I begin to get suspicious.  Then when she said he was in the fireworks business and had moved her to Pleasant Valley, there was no mistake.  That description only fit one man, Dennis Matthews.

                Dennis was a key figure in the theft of 1.54 million dollars from Virginia Hill.  He was part of the inner circle of Owen Allred, the prophet and leader of AUB.  He and Owen let the money slip through their fingers, out foxed by John Putvin, the brains behind the theft and laundering scheme.

                I was one of two investigators for Virginia Hill that ferreted out the evidence that was used by Virginia’s attorney to successfully sue the defendants and obtain a 6.6 million dollar judgment.  In the investigation I interviewed Dennis several times, serving him with papers – a story in itself.  You can read about it on my blog or in my book, Polygamy Under Attack.

                Dennis is a man without scruples, loyal only to himself, and plays all the angles.  According to his buddy, Tom Green, Dennis joined AUB because that is where the largest pool of potential plural wives was located.  He worked his way into the good graces of Owen Allred.  At the same time he was cultivating a relationship with John Shugart, one of Owen’s arch enemies. 

                Shugart thought he and Dennis were soul mates in the preexistence.  When Virginia came along Shugart won her confidence and talked her into purchasing the DI Ranch (the Desert Inn Ranch was the once recreational ranch of the Las Vegas mob).  Shugart asked Dennis to broker the purchase.  Dennis brought John Putvin into the transaction.  Putvin was a defrocked realtor who had lost in license due to dishonest transactions and was also part of Owen’s inner circle.

                Dennis used his friendship with Shugart to obtain the money then took it to Owen Allred where the conspiracy to convert it to AUB’s use was hatched.  Dennis continued to play Shugart and Virginia while acting covertly as an agent for Owen Allred and AUB.  While pretending to be a friend he used Virginia’s money to purchase a new car, paid off an IRS debt and did some remodeling on his Mapleton house.  As it turned out the deception on the part of all the defendants, even against each other, was a comedy to behold.  For men who were practicing higher laws they all behaved like common criminals.

                It was after John Putvin scammed the stolen money from Dennis and Owen that Dennis’ fate made a turn for the worst.  That’s when he moved his family out to Pleasant Valley.   I visited Pleasant Valley running down some leads and after looking at the place, a desolate sagebrush hill, I decided that whoever named the place Pleasant Valley must have been on LSD. 

                It had to be one of the most unpleasant communities in Snake Valley which is another sordid story involving Dennis’ buddy, Jeff Norman who had laundered much of Virginia money.  But in the interest of brevity, the plight of Cathleen Covington, one of Dennis’ other plural wives characterizes how Dennis treated his plural wives.

                Cathleen and four or five children spent a harsh winter in a ramshackle house trailer with broken windows, the only heat a sagebrush fire and no running water.  She was dependent upon the good nature and deeds of the other Pleasant Valley “pioneers.”  For two weeks Cathleen and her children lived on bread and water while Dennis, tormented over losing Virginia’s money, squandered what little money he could earn as a laborer at the Wendover gaming tables, hoping to hit it big.  Cathleen, unable to continue to watch her children go hungry  (at night they would all huddle together to keep warn) drove to Ely where she went to the state welfare offices and poured out her heart.

                She returned to Pleasant Valley with a car full of groceries and other necessities.  When the other members of the community found out they were angry with Cathleen for fear it would alert the authorities of their location.  When nothing happened, the others drove to Ely and applied for welfare. 

                All of Dennis’ wives left him except one.  Dennis befriended another AUB member, Richard Kuntz, who was an invalid confined to bed.  He talked Richard into purchasing some property with two houses near the town of Mayfield in central Utah.  According to some of Richard Kuntz’s angry siblings, Richard purchased the property in the name of Dennis’ wife and Richard’s plural wife, Lilly.  According to reliable informants Dennis no longer works but portrays himself as guru-type apostle presiding over and living off a small gathering of AUB acolytes.  It has been rumored that Dennis has now joined Jim Harmston’s TLC polygamist group.  But I think it would be more accurate to say Dennis is working Harmston the way he worked Shugart – one foot in the TLC and the other in AUB – while doing his own thing.

                Enough about Dennis and back to Love Times Three:   Inside the dust jacket is states “…the first-ever memoir of a polygamous family….”  That’s not quite true.  Roy Potter self-published a book entitled, I Married Three Wives.  Anne Wilde who is very close to the Darger family, was undoubtedly aware of Potter’s book for it was her husband, Ogden Kraut who did the printing.

                In the first segment of the book under “A Note to Readers,” it states, “: we are Independents – the largest category of Fundamentalist Mormons, …”   This in my opinion is a gross exaggeration.  I was acquainted or aware of many Independents and I don’t think their numbers exceed 1000 families which is far fewer than the FLDS and AUB memberships.  I remember Ogden telling me he estimated that there were 100 thousand Independents.  He based the figure on the assumption that thousands of LDS Church members were secretly living plural marriage.  Although I had a lot of respect for Ogden, I think it was wishful thinking on his part.

                Also in “A Note to Readers,” in the last paragraph it states:  “:polygamy is the most widespread family structure in the world, permissible in more cultures historically than any other.”  That was true once but not now except in darkest Africa and Islam – not the best of credentials.  Back in the seventies I met a policeman from Pakistan who told me they found monogamy to be preferable over polygamy.   Wherever polygamy was practiced in antiquity, including the Bible, it was a cultural thing.  Polygamy has never been a religious tenet or a condition to exaltation until Joseph Smith came along.  The Dargers assert that to them polygamy is a sacred religious belief but stop there.  Then they portray themselves as generic polygamists strategically skirting over the nuts and bolts of Section 132, an inherently coercive doctrine.

                The doubts and jealousy a plural wife feels  especially when a new wife enters the family was accurately denoted.  The Dargers had too, for common sense tells you that if plural wives didn’t experience those negative feelings they wouldn’t be normal.  It is implied that they have overcome their foibles but I don’t think that any self-respecting, plural wife ever overcomes doubt and jealousy, they just learn to shelf it.  When a plural wife claims that she vanquished jealousy in a matter of a few days as Anne Wilde once claimed, don’t believe it.  It is unnatural for a monogamous wife to want to share her husband and their assets with other women without some inducement – and that inducement is Mormonism, to wit:  Section 132 – and they wisely don’t want to go there because of it’s obviously coerciveness. 

                I noticed on page 267 some cognitive acrobatics. It states:

 “It is not essential to get into heaven, as many critics of the lifestyle falsely assert.  Mormon theology holds that there are three different degrees of glory (or levels of heaven) that a person can attain in the afterlife, with the highest being the celestial degree.  Fundamentalists Mormons believe that to reach that level, it is necessary to live celestial marriage.”

                It’s a tactic Muslims use in converting Americans, they don’t tell the whole story.  Celestial marriage means plural marriage and the celestial heaven is a highly discriminatory place, reserved for Mormon polygamists who will become a god of many worlds, a world for each wife.   The Dargers try to draw a distinction between them and Warren Jeffs, but within the context of their religion, Warren Jeffs has not sinned and will have the greater glory with 60 wives and who knows how many children.  The people delegated to the lesser kingdoms or degrees are inferiors, dregs, unworthy humans because they did not accept Mormonism.  And the honorable men on Earth, men like Abraham Lincoln, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson will be the servants of celestial polygamist like Warren Jeffs and Dennis Matthews.  Don’t be mislead.  Just because Warren and Dennis are perverts and thieves doesn’t mean they won’t go to the Mormon celestial heaven. 

                On page 119 Joe Darger describes a seminal moment when he first laid eyes on Valarie, a single mom. 

                As I looked at her, I heard a voice from deep within me say, She is to be your wife!  Simultaneously, I felt as if I’d received an electric shock.  I turned away quickly so no one would see the stunned look on my face and ask what was wrong with me.

                My religion teaches us to listen to the “still small voice” of the Holy Ghost.

                I’m sorry to break it to you Joe, but that “still small voice” was not the Holy Ghost, it was your Y-chromosome, the same small voice that gave Joseph Smith his plural marriage revelation.

                Now we know that Joe had his eye on Valarie, but when his wives came to him, having been allegedly inspired  that Valarie should join the family, Joe feigned surprise and disinterest.  This little deception was wise, for it is best that the wives think a new wife in the family is their idea.  While jumping for joy on the inside, the outside pretends reluctance.  Joseph, like Mohammad is the iconic example. 

                When Joseph approached Ben Johnson, his eye on Ben’s sister, he spun a yarn that has been allegedly repeated by Rulon Allred and James D. Harmston.  Joseph said the Lord had introduced the doctrine of the “true and everlasting covenant of marriage” and had directed him to take plural wives, one of which was Ben’s sister.  Joseph claimed he was reluctant to take a plural wife because it was counter to Christian tradition.  But the Lord sent an angel with a drawn sword who threatened to lop off his head if he didn’t start living polygamy.

                It wouldn’t be fair to leave Mohammad out of this erotic discussion.  It seems that Mohammad happened to walk into the bedroom of Zaynab bint Jahah, his daughter-in-law and saw her either nude or partially nude.  Being a passionate man he was naturally excited.   But also a gentleman, he withdrew and feigned that he had not been excited.  Now Zaynab was exceedingly beautiful and when his wife Aisha suggested he might take Zaynab as a plural wife he pretended disinterest.  And even when Zaynab’s husband, offered her to Mohammad , The True Messenger, he again feigned disinterest.  It wasn’t until Allah ordered him to take Zaynab that he willing obeyed.  Islamic apologists claim Mohammad did not marry Zaynab out of lust, but in obedience to Allah.

                This little anecdote reminds of the time when Joseph Smith went to Heber C. Kimbel and said, “God wants me to give your wife to me.”  Without hesitation Heber said okay and was about to go get Vilate when Joseph said, “Wait, it was only a test.”   But a few days later Heber and Vilate gave their sixteen-year-old daughter, Helen, to Joseph as a plural wife. 

                It seems that Allah, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are also cupidic gods.

                The book touches on important family imperatives, portraying the Dargers as mainstream in every respect except for multiple wives.  That they believe plural marriage is what Jesus Christ wants them to live I will give them the benefit of the doubt, but that they provide all the nurturing and attention to all their children’s needs, I do doubt.  You will notice that almost throughout the book, except for one chapter about the children, all the dialogue is devoted to the fears and needs of wives and their loving relationship with Joe.  I believe that Joe tries to do his best regarding the children, but I know from experience that keeping the peace and perpetually reinforcing the wives’ needs, for you are constantly tested, the children are deprived of time and attention.   That is one of the biggest regrets I have in my polygamous misadventure, that I did not adequately inculcate on the minds of my children the importance and power of an education.  In far more many cases than not it is the mother who morally educates the child while the father is about priesthood duties, making a living or sniffing around for more plural wives.

                My primary criticism of Love Times Three is not necessarily what has been said, but what was led up too and then not said - like a superior, exalted heaven reserved for potential Mormon polygamists like Warren Jeffs and Dennis Matthews.  Joe and Principle Voices attempt to distance themselves from the likes of Warren Jeffs but they can’t.  Warren is driven by the same doctrine as Principle Voices and Warren and his pedophile acolytes are a valid part of the Mormon fundamentalist subculture.  Besides, neither Warren nor David Brain Mitchell has sinned against their religion.  They had merely disobeyed a lesser law, rape, to keep a greater law – the everlasting covenant of marriage.  For it is Mormon fundamentalist doctrine that Adam disobeyed a lesser law (eating the forbidden fruit) to keep a greater law (multiply and replenish). 

                The Dargers were offended that when they came under government scrutiny after their little daughter, Kyra, died.  They had done nothing wrong, nor had they been negligent.  They felt discriminated against because they were polygamists.  In that regard they were right.  But they shouldn’t blame Children’s Services, they should blame the many irresponsible, dysfunctional polygamists in their subculture who have neglected and abused their children.  Children’s Services would have been derelict had they not conducted an investigation and made sure all was in order.

                Joe Darger implied that the birth of each child had been planned in advance.  I will take him at his word.  However, I have noticed among polygamists that biological drives are stronger than religious pretensions.  What is generally the case is that recreational sex is so prevalent that pregnancies just happen.  In some families plural wives use sex to compete with other wives and win the attention of the husband.  Using Tom Green as an example, the copulating and child bearing far exceeded the ability of Tom to adequately provide for his many children without government assistance and fraud.  It was essentially Tom’s inability to keep his fly zipped up that lead to his being charged with Criminal Non Support. 

                As I mentioned at the beginning of this book review, I suspect that the Darger family are stooges for Principle Voices.  They may think they are fast friends of Brooke Adams and the gals behind Principle Voices but I suspect that down the road they will find they are expendable – just as abused wives and children are expendable.   I know that  Principle Voices are just as aware as I am of the abuse that goes on in the Fundamentalist subculture.   These poor people are expendable in lieu of the perpetuation of Mormon plural marriage, a far greater cause.   Every mass movement and great cause has its casualties.                   

                From what I have noticed on their TV appearances the Dargers, like the Browns, have been caught up in the pomp of the limelight.  The media will flatter and cater to them as long as they are useful, but in reality all they are, are specimens for sensationalism and ratings.  They have given up their privacy and will forever be living in a glass house.  I hope they are enjoying the cloud they are floating on now because one day that cloud will dissolve and the rest of the trip is going to be mighty bumpy. 

                According to emails Joe Darger is attending the Safety Net Meetings where he is treated as a celebrity and an authority.  Joe apparently thinks the Safety Net should be more involved in the decriminalization of polygamy.  If the Safety Net takes that position I suspect it will be in violation of their grant.  

                According to informants the Safety Net people are still trying to entice leaders of the organized groups to get involved.  When I last attended a couple of years ago they were trying then to make inroads into the FLDS and TLC.  They couldn’t understand even back then, when they, the Safety Net,  was so non judgmental and supportive of the lifestyle, why Jeffs, Harmston and Jenson did come running into their open arms. 

                It is a question of power and authority.  The leaders of the organized groups may allow sycophants to attend Safety Net meeting to see what is going on as it seem Paul Kingston is doing, but the other leaders are not going to make any move that might be seen as usurping their power and authority – especially a government funded organization. 

                One last word.  Mormon polygamists are habitually portraying themselves as victims who are constantly in fear of arrest and persecution.  Nothing can be further from the truth.  As long as Mark Shurtleff is the Attorney General, Utah will be the safest place in the world for Mormon polygamists.  And I would bet a dollar against a dime that before the Dargers agreed to go public, Principle Voices got the okay from the AG’s Office – meaning they had nothing to fear.

                In conclusion, it is my impression that Principle Voices would like the world to view the Darger family as the epitome, or the actual model of the true nature of Mormon polygamy, suggesting that the Dargers represent the majority of Mormon polygamists.  To promote this myth, Principles Voices has used their influence for the Dargers to give “numerous presentations to college classes and at conferences for social workers, child abuse experts, attorneys and law enforcement officers. “  (Page 264)  But if we can judge these presentations by the tone of Love Times Three the presentation is all frosting,  with no mention of the rest of the cake where the true nature of Mormon polygamy is found.

                The Dargers, manipulated by Principle Voices have every right to try and change the social perceptions of Mormon polygamy.  But in doing so they knew very well that it is an unpopular and a non Christian lifestyle.  Mainstream Christianity frowns on polygamy for many valid reasons.  Historically, polygamy has seldom been an equitable lifestyle.   Coercion is ubiquitously used to force female submission.  Take a look at Islam for example.  Mohammad married Aisha at age five and consummated the marriage when she was nine-years old.  Asma bint Marwan, a poetess who mocked Mohammad was assassinated on Mohammad’s orders.  He also assassinated Abu ‘Afak, another anti Islamic poet.  Yet, there are books authored by people associated with CAIR and the Muslim Brotherhood that describe Mohammad as “meek, mild, and full of love and compassion.”   Osama be Laden  in his several videos portrayed himself the same way.  Yet, Mohammad was a warrior-prophet who committed total genocide on more than one Jewish community – just because they were Jews.

                On page 269 it states Alina testified in January 2011, before the Canadian Supreme Court  of British Colombia concerning the constitutionality of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.  She testified that she had complete freedom of choice and was not abused.  But Chief Justice Robert Bauman presiding over the case ruled that the Canadian statute was constitutional because the polygamist lifestyle resulted in more abuse than freedom.  The ruling was correct.  Following is an excerpt taken from the Internet authored by Byran Cu and Erica Bulman:

            “B.C. Supreme Court Chief Justice Robert Bauman found the prohibition of polygamy prevents harm to women, children and society, and is consistent with Canada’s international human rights obligations.”

He acknowledged that the law infringes on freedom of religion and may encourage polygamists to seek isolation, but he said it was justified as even fundamentalist Mormons can choose monogamy without sacrificing their religious beliefs, and Muslims are not mandated to have multiple wives.

He said the law is meant to advance monogamous marriage as a fundamental value of Western society.

"Polygamy has no place in modern society and the prohibition is consistent with Canadian values, the charter and the Canadian Bill of Rights," said Canada's justice minister Rob Nicholson, who approved of the ruling. "In our view, polygamy is harmful to society, to those involved with it, particularly to women and two children born within polygamous families."

                You can tell from the above excerpt that the pro-polygamists have succeeded to a degree in inculcating the idea that the bigamy statute drives fundamentalists into isolation.  But the main reason they isolate and insulate is so they can control information.  The contrast is easily drawn by comparing the FLDS with AUB and the Independents.  The more isolated, the more tyrannical, the less isolation the more liberal.  Nevertheless all the organized groups practice isolation and insulation just as much as the can  – for example the Independent polygamists tend to only associate with their own kind so they can reinforce their beliefs. 

                In my studies of Section 132 and the discourses by Brigham Young and his priesthood cronies concerning plural marriage, it is clear that by its very nature  Mormon polygamy can easily lead to discrimination against women, corruption, abuse and violence – as it has both in the past and present.  There are many examples to support that contention:  Ervil LeBaron, Ron and Dan Lafferty, James D. Harmston, Warren Jeffs, David and John Kingston, Tom Green and Dennis Matthews.

                Just as Joseph Smith’s plural marriage revelation has led to discrimination and violence, so has Mohammad’s Koran.  Society has not forced Joe Darger or his wives to live polygamy.  But their religion states that if they do not live polygamy they will be damned or destroyed.  (Section 132, Verses 6, 54, 64 and 65)   So Joe, Alina, Vicki, and Valerie, if someone disagrees with your lifestyle, that doesn’t make you victims.  You knew what you were getting into. 

                On page 272 Joe makes a plea for decriminalization.  The contention is, if polygamy was no longer a crime they could talk about their lifestyle without fear.  Does that mean they could proselytize?  But it seems like they are doing just fine, talking, writing, giving presentations, appearing on television – in fact they are the toast of the town.   I’m not offended by Darger’s lifestyle, in fact I wish them well, but don’t try to make me think it is a benign, absolutely consensual, a free and honest lifestyle when the evidence says it’s not. 

                Joe tosses around prestigious sounding organizations like Utah Children’s Polygamy Study Group, The Remarkable Mother’s Event, Polygamy Action Group and the Principle Rights Coalition which appears to be auxiliaries of Principle Voices, and only involves a handful of people.   If you Google “Principle Rights Coalition” it takes you  to the Principle Voices website.  There you can read a statement denouncing  FLDS practice of child marriages.  In reading the statement you get the impression that Principle Voices is as shocked as the rest of us and that it was news to them.  But the statement is deceptive.  Principle Voices has been aware of child brides in Mormon fundamentalism for years.  I know because I have talked with Anne and Ogden about it.  Tom Green was the quintessential polygamist pedophile who was introduced to me in Anne’s house. 

                The State of Utah has apparently welcomed Principle Voices and allowed them to make presentations to public employees, advocating for “special rights” for polygamists and promoting decriminalization.  Utah is therefore essentially endorsing Principle Voices as an official, government approved pundits and authorities on the subject of Mormon polygamy without inviting opposing views and presentations.  Why?

                There is much more I could say in opposition to what is claimed and proposed in Love Times Three.  For one who has been on both sides of the issue, meaning me, Love Times Three is accurate in many respects but it stops short in telling the whole story.  Because neither the Dargers or their book epitomize the subculture as a whole, deliberately holding back evidence of polygamist corruption which could contaminate their cause, silence can be a sign of dishonesty.  I therefore have no choice but to label Love Times Three  propaganda. 

                OVERVIEW:  Joe Darger seems to think Mormon polygamists should be given full reign and allowed to live by their own rules  (that’s what I meant by special rights).  Well to be fair, Muslims should be given the same “special rights.”  Let Muslims import plural wives from Islamic states and impose Shaira Law.  It would be the political correct thing to do, after all it’s their sacred religious belief.